Published by Foxinni January 3rd, 2007
in Oneliners.
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- The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
- Why do you press harder on the buttons when the battery in the remote control is dead?
- I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
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I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
- Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.
- There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know.
- Some days it’s not worth chewing through the straps.
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Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow.
- Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
- Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
- I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me.
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I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.
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I don’t want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.
- It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
- Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
- Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work.
- Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?
- Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence.
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