Archive for the 'Dirty Humor' Category
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying,
“All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train cause we’re going down the tracks.”
Continue reading ‘A boy and his toys…’
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, “Where in the hell have you been?”
Larry replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.” A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?” “I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,” he said proudly. “What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
Continue reading ‘Tottoo taboo’
A woman sends her clothing out to the local laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the laundryman that says, “Use more soap on panties.”
This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry, “Use more soap on panties.”
Finally fed up, the laundry man responded with his own note that said, “Use more paper on ass.”
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
Continue reading ‘Innocent thoughts of a young girl’
After the examination the doctor said to the elderly man “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”
In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty.”
Continue reading ‘A Season for Sex’
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
“Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he’s a little ticked off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick the chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussycat as he’s walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?“
Ever wondered what bored hospital employees get up to with our tax funds! These two workers made good use of the X-Ray machine. Looks like fun!
The inevitable..
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